I tossed and turned; restlessness governed my sleep. All of my dreams seemed to lead me to the edge of a cliff where I would suddenly jerk and wake up before plummeting to my death. My spirit quaked beneath the burdens of my heart, desperately seeking the reassurance of God.
About four o’clock in the morning, I felt the Holy Spirit nudging me to get up and pray. I called on the Name of Jesus. Nothing more. I was so worn out from the struggle, I no longer had the words to pray. Our merciful and gracious Lord led me to Isaiah 50:
The Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught … Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the word of his servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God (Isaiah 50:4, 10, NIV).
Isaiah refers to God as the Sovereign Lord. Roget’s 21st Century Thesaurus lists the following synonyms for sovereign: authority, absolute, commanding, effectual, guiding, highest, majestic, reigning, ruling, and supreme. God wanted to teach me something about His character. He instructed me to add some of these words as adjectives in front of His Name: Absolute Lord, Effectual Lord, Guiding Lord, Supreme Lord, Reigning Lord.
Next I looked up Isaiah 50:10 in The Amplified Bible:
Who is among you who [reverently] fears the Lord, who obeys the voice of His Servant, yet who walks in darkness and deep trouble and has not shining splendor [in his heart]? Let him rely on, trust in, and be confident in the name of the Lord, and let him lean upon and be supported by his God.
The Lord said, Nan, don’t listen to the deceiver. He wants you to throw your hands up in defeat. I am the Sovereign Lord. I am absolute. Effectual. Guiding. Supreme. Nothing is too difficult for Me.
I realized that I was the one Isaiah was referring to: I love the Lord, I do my best to walk in obedience to Him, and yet I find myself walking in darkness at times, living with a very dim heart. God, through Isaiah, exhorted me to rely upon His Name — that which speaks to the very essence of who He is.
He is my Deliverer. My Redeemer. Savior. Mighty God. Counselor. Prince of Peace.
And if God is for me, then who can be against me?
- excerpt taken from my book, The Perils of a Pastor’s Wife, Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas, 2015