Our porch thermometer registered a brisk twenty-six degrees this morning — this first day of spring. The old apple tree is beginning to form tiny buds on its branches, my rose bushes are awakening from their slumber … spring is here, and yet winter lingers with its frosty mornings and oyster gray skies.
As I observed the contrast of two seasons — their merging, their conflict — I thought about my spirit. And yours.
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A songbird perched in the stark branches of the old apple tree, winter still clinging, branches still bare. Her melody rang across the frost-laden earth, warming the atmosphere. A golden halo of sunrise lit up the crest of our mountain ridge with an amber glow and slowly spread across the forest, down the slope and grazed the top of the apple tree — the delicate light illuminating her feathers.
Light and song.
Winter awaiting spring.
For surely spring will come, hope will rebound across this land.
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Oyster gray was the color of the afternoon — the sky, my thoughts, and my heart. It was as though dullness permeated everything about me and all that lay within me. Why does depression make me feel separated from God?
Oh, for sure I knew He hadn’t gone anywhere — in fact I knew according to His promise He had drawn nearer to me in my depression. But I found myself walking according to my feelings and not according to His Truth.
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Huddled beneath the covers wishing the morning away, I recognized His sweet whisper, “I am for you, not against you. You are my child. You have not been forsaken.” I squeezed my eyes and scrunched up my face because, although I believed what the Lord was speaking to me, my reality felt very different. I wondered, Where is God when it hurts?
I felt alone in many ways.
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The old wooden door creaked on its hinges as I gently pushed it open. Inside, beneath the musty shadows of the barn, lay hidden evidence of a life — someone’s story. Some items held value, but many were unwanted, many were simply forgotten, and all were gathering dust from neglect.
The memories lay in darkness, but the opening of the door introduced light, revealing their existence.
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Lord, You are my faithful companion. You promised to never leave me nor forsake me. Even so, some days loneliness overwhelms me and steals my joy.
On those days, Lord, will You whisper to my heart that You are near? Will You remind me that I am Your child and I am loved with an everlasting love?
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In the middle of a thicket, overgrown with chaos and winter brown, grows a lesson from God.
Rose hips.
I had never considered rose hips before, but today was different.
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The winter storm blew fiercely over the mountain ridge, driving snow, bending trees, howling as it assaulted our community in the dead of night. I awoke with alarm as the wind buffeted the house. I turned on the light. Nothing. The power had gone out, probably from falling trees.
Grabbing my robe, I groped in the dark for a flashlight and shuffled my way to the living room. Plopping on the couch, I snuggled beneath a nearby blanket.
And then it happened.
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Lord, You are the very air I breathe, my Life-Giver. Breathe on me anew. The road is long and valley deep. My heart hurts, my strength is gone, and the stress takes my breath away.
But then I sense You drawing near, gently lifting my chin so that our eyes meet and I remember. I remember I am not alone in the struggle.
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The sky reflected the conflict and turmoil of our nation. Dark billowing clouds rolled all about me. Their ebb and flow was not one massive blanket of darkness, but came in segments. Light — brilliant, not just ordinary light — burst through here and there, parting the sky and revealing the blues of heaven.
And to the east, a rainbow. Just a glimpse. But I saw it.
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Lord, You are the Sovereign God. You reign victorious over all the earth. You are steadfast. Faithful. True. You are mine and I am Yours. Please help me walk in these truths when I am crushed in spirit and overwhelmed with despair.
You promise to draw near to those who are crushed in spirit. Open our eyes that we might see You. Awaken our hearts to recognize Your Presence. Let faith arise in us.
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Lord, You are my strength and my shield. My heart trusts in You. My soul finds rest in You, even when silence is Your response to me.
I still trust You.
But it’s hard.
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