It’s been said that everyone has a story. I believe that to be true. We all have a journey in this thing called life. Some skip through fields of happiness with only a few scraped knees from sorrow, while others endure unimaginable pain and heartbreak.
“It’s not fair!” we exclaim.
But life is not fair.
And we live in a fallen world where bad things happen to good people.
But then Jesus passes by. He pursues His broken child with His love and draws them unto Himself, even in the midst of the tragedies and atrocities — especially in the midst of the tragedies and atrocities.
This is one such story. Pamela McCormick clings to the hem of His garment as He heals and restores her life. The Lord teaches her she is worthy of His love. It’s not easy. In fact, it’s very hard, but above all, she wants her life to glorify God.
Take this for example. Pam wrote this to me when we were discussing featuring her story on Faith Notes, “It wasn’t about me finding me. It was about finding our God. The brokenness helped me love others more like Christ loved on me. God be praised.
“He’s a great teacher. I always questioned God, ‘Why?’ Now I know that it was so I could be a light in the darkness for others and tell them of the hope that is alive and is for them too.
“I look for other people who have been hurt. There are so many. I hurt, because they hurt. I’m not the only one that’s hiding. Looking to Jesus to show me my next steps. He knows.”
What an amazing heart this powerful woman of God embodies! She is remarkable.
I can tell you this was not easy for Pam, but it’s because she wants to help others that she is willing to open the pages of her life.
Welcome to Faith Notes, Pam!
I stood motionless in the kitchen of the beach house. I had run away to somehow escape my pain. Feelings I never knew I was capable of were bubbling to the top. I wanted to curse, scream, cry a storm of tears. Like a teapot ready to whistle as steam came out of its belly, I was ready to let go.
I stood motionless.
A girlfriend had come with me to the beach house. Without me saying a word, she grabbed our purses, her car keys and said, “Let’s go.”
I went silently, holding back the tears, not knowing where we were headed. She parked and said, “Wait here,” and then she came back.
She had bought two tickets to the children’s movie, “Cloudy with Meatballs,” a small popcorn, and a small diet coke drink for me.
The theme of the movie was “No man is an island” — that to get through hard times, we need others. The pain wasn’t gone. It would stay, but a need was met that night. A friend was there for me. A woman was able to rest and know the Lord was with her.
She said I had value. I wanted to believe her. I wanted to throw away all the heartache, the hurt, the abuse and be the woman she said I was. I mouthed the words, “I forgive them,” but in my heart, I still held onto what they did to me. I had heard the sermons that Jesus had forgiven me.
I just couldn’t forgive.
I was trying so hard to make something happen, that I forgot it wasn’t about what I could do, but what God wanted to do for me.
God knew I hurt. God knew I struggled to love me. God knew it would be hard to forgive. God knew.
I sought counseling. On the way there, I cursed God. I was so angry. I was sure God had left me forever. I was sure my words had separated me from God.
I was sure.
I was crying uncontrollably. And then, the tears stopped, like someone had turned off a faucet.
An abundance of peace poured over me in buckets. I told God, “Don’t You see what I just did? Didn’t You hear my last words? God, I don’t deserve this. And that’s when God said, “Pam, your value didn’t decrease because of what you did. My love never changed for you. You’ll always be My child and you are valued.”
I wish I could tell you I believed God right away. I wish I could tell you the hurt went away immediately, but I can’t.
I cried more. I held my mask tightly, because no one could ever know what happened.
So God became my safe place, the place I ran for comfort, for love, cause I didn’t want to be hurt anymore. I shut myself up in a prison of my own design and said, “No, I won’t be real. I won’t!” And the pain multiplied. The hurt stayed.
The freedom God so desperately desired to give me was taken.
I would be in control. I had locked the pain deep inside of me. No one would know. I was playing God.
God must have smiled at me. He knew I couldn’t keep this charade up. Eating to bury the pain was my solution. His plan was to surround me with other women who were survivors. Since 2013, I have met twelve women who lived it too.
I never believed I was worthy of love, so I made sure I helped others know they were loved. God wanted to help me know I was loved too. I still struggle with the pain of my past, but thankful I have a God who’s God enough to help me heal one day at a time by His Grace.
More about Pam:
Pam McCormick is a retired teacher and aspiring writer who currently works at Isothermal Polk campus to help students gain the skills needed to receive their high school diplomas. Pam had a story, “The End,” published in Isothermal’s magazine, The Mentor, in December, 2014. Pam was also published in December 2016 in collaboration with eight other authors to write a devotional book, Ancient Stones, Timeless Encouragement. Pam is a member of the Encouragers’ Christian Writers’ Group that meets monthly.
In her free time, she enjoys hiking and tent camping with her husband, watching old-time westerns, doing crossword puzzles and spending time with her daughter in New York, and her son, his wife and new granddaughter Merryn in Colorado. Every other Sunday, she visits a nursing home and teaches a Bible study, feeling very blessed by God for this divine opportunity to share her love for her Savior. Pam has recently chosen to work on being more health conscious by eating a better diet and exercising more.
Although tough times have come along her journey with God, she finds solace in the Truth that God is always there, just a prayer away, ready to help her get back up on her feet and start afresh. You can contact her at email@example.com. Currently, she is seeking the Lord’s will for a book series, Celery Stalks and Coffee Grounds. She is also writing a book under a pseudonym in hopes of helping people who have suffered from abuse, that their hope and healing can be found in God and that in His strength, they too can overcome.
Thank you so much for stopping by. I would love for you to share what’s on your heart in the comments below. Scroll a little farther down and you’ll see where you can leave your comments. Together, we can find the nearness of God in our darkest moments.
Sweet blessings to you,