Oyster gray was the color of the afternoon — the sky, my thoughts, and my heart. It was as though dullness permeated everything about me and all that lay within me. Why does depression make me feel separated from God?
Depression is Real
Oh, for sure I knew He hadn’t gone anywhere — in fact I knew according to His promise He had drawn nearer to me in my depression. But I found myself walking according to my feelings and not according to His Truth.
My heart had become cluttered with the debris of worry and disappointment.
Stress overwhelmed me as I tried to carry the load in my own strength and not in the strength of the Lord.
Clutter blocked the Light of Christ.
Clutter clogged the flow of Living Water.
Clutter kept my head down and my thoughts turned inward as I tried to figure everything out myself.
Why Does Depression Make Me Feel Separated From God?
Mist began to gently fall while I struggled to understand why my depression makes me feel separated from God. All around me was His Creation. By faith, I knew He was with me. But just like my soul cloaked in depression, the mist covered God’s Creation like a shroud.
Gravel crunched beneath my feet. I passed the old oak tree on the edge of the pasture just as flashes of blue whisked by — like sparks of life in my dismal place. I stopped, stood still. and looked up.
Just where God wanted me.
Bluebirds darted from fence post to tree branch, their gorgeous cobalt blue leading me to thoughts of the One True God, Maker of heaven and earth.
I stood mesmerized. Deep joy welled within me.
While I stood there watching this display of glory, a song rose up within me:
Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim … in the light of His glory and grace.
I lifted my eyes toward heaven as tears stained my cheeks.
O Soul, are you weary and troubled? No light in the darkness you see? There’s light for a look at the Savior, And life more abundant and free!
I kid you not. At that moment a sunbeam broke through the oyster gray sky. I watched as the bluebirds continued their flight and remembered the goodness of God — His light in my darkness.
In that moment, He gave me a glimpse of His glory. I was reminded He has never failed me.
He never will.
Nothing Will Ever Separate Me From God’s Love
Though the pain of depression is real, the lies of the enemy are just that … lies. Nothing will ever separate me from my Savior’s love. So why does depression make me feel separated from God? It only has as much power as I give it — my God is greater. His love is steadfast and sure.
And when the days are filled with oyster gray, I can count on Jesus to break through the fog and light my way once again as I turn my eyes on Him.
Thank you so much for stopping by. I would love for you to share what’s on your heart in the comments below. Scroll a little farther down and you’ll see where you can leave your comments. Together, we can find the nearness of God in our darkest moments.
Sweet blessings to you,