I walked along our mountain road, heavy thoughts filling my mind. Future days are filled with the unknown as my husband and I travel a path marred by his dementia. How do I trust God with my heart when it is breaking and everything seems so uncertain?
I found myself lost in memories.
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Lord, I love You so much and my greatest desire is to honor You — to glorify You in my life. I want to overflow with kindness, to take Your love into a hurting world, but Lord … some days my flesh is just plain rotten!
I know it. I recognize the attitude simmering just below the surface …
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I grabbed a fresh cup of coffee, it’s hefty aroma calling to me from an ocean of deep thoughts. The question, Where is God when life is hard? tormented me. I couldn’t find peace.
Settling onto the porch swing, I tried to relax in the presence of the tall, graceful day-lilies swaying rhythmically in the breeze.
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Lord, I know that I know You are my source of joy. There is absolutely nothing better than being in Your Presence where joy is unspeakable and cherished. Your joy makes me want to dance in the rain as I rejoice in Your love, but … there’s always a but, isn’t there, Lord?
But life is muddy sometimes and my happy feet slip in the mud and down I go — back into the pit, stuck in the miry clay.
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I watched a dark cloud on the horizon — the deep charcoal threatening-kind-of-dark cloud. A storm was coming with significant rain and fierce winds. My life was facing a fierce storm, too. As I searched the sky, my heart searched for the grace of God.
A gray veil settled over our mountain hollar as the clouds rolled in, dimming the fresh greens of early summer. I sipped my coffee as I watched the sultry clouds deepen over the ridge.
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