Curled up on the couch, I watched the sun rise over the ridge. Fresh, cool air streamed in through the open window, awakening my senses, drawing my attention to the One who loves me. I cradled my coffee cup and sipped from its warm goodness. I craved peace, a soft quiet of spirit. Stirring deep in my heart came a song, “Precious Lord, take my hand, lead me on, help me stand. I am tired, I am weak, I am worn … “
Prayers became my tears searching for peace
Lost in my thoughts, I began to cry — tears I didn’t know were there. It was like a valve turned and released some of the pent-up sorrow that builds until there’s a wall around my heart protecting me from myself as I strive to stay strong.
Tears became my prayer, and as they released, grace fell like rain. The Lord drew near and quieted me with His love.
My husband, David, has been experiencing a slow, steady decline, especially over the last few years. But in the past three months, the decline has been swift, severe, and heartbreaking. Apparently, Frontotemporal Dementia can begin to exhibit symptoms of Motor Neuron Disease, much like ALS. He is undergoing tests now to confirm that his diaphragm muscles are weakening, causing extreme weakness and shortness of breath.
This is an overwhelming new reality … but God. He is with us.
Although Frontotemporal Dementia is a beast — a relentless monster that robs its victim of themselves, it can’t rob David of his spirit, nor me of mine. We are sealed in the Spirit of God, engraved on the palm of His hand. And though He slay us, yet will we praise Him, for He is good, regardless of our circumstances. He IS our precious Lord.
And we are finding Him in this darkness.
God’s tender watchcare is tangible and soothes the difficult places, bringing that peaceful, soft quiet to my heart when I feel overwhelmed. His peace is attainable when I turn my thoughts to Him.
Frontotemporal Dementia is a Beast
I continued gazing out the window. The morning was quiet — even the birds perched in silence. I remained lost in my thoughts as “Precious Lord, take my hand … ” played over and over in my heart.
Though the reality of our new normal is intense, the truth is that our God is with us. He is for us, not against us. His grace is sufficient, and His mercies are new each morning. In the middle of a whole lot of bitter, we have found sweetness as He ministers to us. He gives us strength for the journey and brings peace in the difficult place.
The song deep in my spirit settled like a blanket over the fragile places. With clarity I heard the delicate whisper of the Lord, Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid” (John 14:27).
Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid …
“I’m listening, Lord. I’m trying,” I spoke ever so softly.
And again I heard, Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid.
Precious Lord, I prayed, take my hand. Lead me on and help me stand. Lead me to Your mountain where I will stand in Your Presence and worship You in spirit and truth. From the mountain I will remember the cross that stands on Calvary’s hill, making a perfect way for me to know You and to come before You with my brokenness.
Pour Your grace upon me. Pour Your grace upon Your children who, like me, find themselves overwhelmed by life’s painful places. Let them find You in their darkness — Your light leading them from the cavernous places of pain, leading them to Your mountain high where they, too, can find Your peace and refuge in the storm, where they can find a soft quietness of heart.
I need You, Precious Lord. Hold me fast
I tipped my coffee cup and drank from its warmth as the Lord embraced me with His love. Once again He had lifted me from the miry clay and set me upon His solid Rock.
As the morning continued to awaken and my spirit began to sing, I heard the sweet birdsong echoing my sentiments, “Precious Lord, take my hand. Lead me on and help me stand. I am tired, I am weak, and I am worn. Through the storm, through the night, lead me on to the light…
Take my hand, precious Lord, lead me home.”
Selah
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Thank you so much for stopping by. I would love for you to share what’s on your heart in the comments below. Scroll a little farther down and you’ll see where you can leave your comments. Together, we can find the nearness of God in our darkest moments.
Sweet blessings to you,
