Kneeling by my bed, I poured out the pain of my heart to the Lord. Tears streamed as anguish gripped my heart — pain so deep that no words could adequately describe.
Groaning too deep for words.
Pure exhaustion washed over me.
Then stillness as I knelt in His Presence and peace enveloped me once again.
Funny how memories pop up out of nowhere and bring reflection of lessons learned. As I quieted myself before the Lord this morning, the above thoughts meandered through my mind. Oh, how I remember the desperation of those moments when my heart was wrenched in two and the personal loss was too hard to fully imagine.
I Remember the Anguish Gripping My Heart
I remember the feelings of abandonment by the One in whom I had trusted, the sheer devastation as anguish gripped my heart.
Yes, I remembered the agony of soul as I held my coffee cup close and gazed out the window at an awakening day.
And then I realized something …
Towards the end of Job’s sifting by Satan when the magnitude of his personal loss was fully realized, Job said these words,
“I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees You (Job 42:5).
Now my eye sees You …
Now because in the loss of everything Job held dear, God remained. Steadfast. Sure. In the drawing near during his darkest moments, Job’s faith found the Rock on which to stand and in his unequivocal loss he found that God was enough.
No one could take that away from him.
Through my own personal pain and loss — my own anguish of heart — I am beginning to realize the same.
Through My Own Anguish of Heart, I Understand What Job Understood
My faith has deepened as I have learned the very essence of who God is — my Comforter, my peace, my Refuge, my Sanity. He has opened my eyes to behold His glory, to see and find Him in my darkest moments.
His Word, with its intricate detail, now leaps from the page with life-giving nourishment that I may have taken for granted before, securing me tightly to the grip and strength of His hand.
I am no longer the same.
And it’s because of complete brokenness at the foot of the cross.
Are you, too, in the place of anguish too deep for words? Is your spirit groaning for peace, your faith being shaken to its core? I encourage you to hold on.
Hold fast to what you know to be true: You are a child of God, His love knows no end. God is for you and not against you. He will work everything together for your good as you trust Him — hold fast and you will see this promise manifest.
Ask the Lord your God to open your eyes that you might see Him there in your midst, just as He promised. He really is near to the brokenhearted and those crushed in spirit. He is drawn to our pain and the cries of our heart.
Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Selah
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Thank you so much for stopping by. I would love for you to share what’s on your heart in the comments below. Scroll a little farther down and you’ll see where you can leave your comments. Together, we can find the nearness of God in our darkest moments.
Sweet blessings to you,
Hey, Nan. Hope you are hanging in there. I pray often for you and your family
Personal experience indicates that when I’m out of God’s shelter (in the world) something usually go wrong and I get so uncomfortable I quickly remember I am out of touch with him. He’s been my provider, Peace and joy. This is my special way of communicating and feeling God’s presence in my life.
Amen! I agree with you. I’m so thankful for His longsuffering with us and for His gentle tugs on our hearts to “come back home to Him.” He is a good, good Father. Thank you for sharing, Nan