Brushstrokes of lavender and orange cream swabbed the evening sky as another day lowered its eyelids. Deep shades of purple and navy rolled in like a wave. The luminous brushstrokes rode the wave back out to an ebony-colored sea of night. The stars appeared. I considered the heavens and the Hands that made them.
And I thought of Job.
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Father, You are wonderful beyond comprehension. Your goodness and mercy follow me all the days of my life. I know that I know Your grace is sufficient, it is more than enough for anything I may face. So, why do I struggle? Why do I insist on fighting my own battles when You clearly are my Defender? You have never failed me … and I know You never will.
The things I don’t want to do, I do. The things I do want to do, I don’t. Oy! This battle of flesh and spirit is strong. Purify my heart and renew a right spirit within me.
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I pressed my hand against the cool windowpane, rivulets of raindrops coursing down the glass. I saw the image of my own tears reflected in the raindrops. The week had been difficult, punctuated with many trials. My spirit grew weak by the onslaught of the enemy and despair began to set in.
Even though I know better.
Even though I know the Lord is faithful to deliver His children from the flames of adverstity.
Despair was seeping in.
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Who is mighty like You, O Lord? Your faithfulness also surrounds You. You rule the raging sea, You speak and the storm ceases to torment. Even so, You teach us that through much tribulation we enter the Kingdom of God.
Really? Why is that necessary, Lord? Why must we be crushed?
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I ambled along our country road. Slow. Sluggish. Deep in thought, led by a searching heart. My gaze landed on the mountaintop in the distance. Blue-purple ribbons of rolling hills surrounded the giant dome. Why are you troubled and weary, Nan? I asked myself. Why so downcast? Put your hope in God, Maker of heaven and earth.
I often lecture myself. I suppose King David did the same. Throughout the Psalms, his dialogue addresses the battle of spirit and flesh, faith and despair.
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