by Nan Jones @NanJonesAuthor
Hot water showered down across my naked body, my raped soul. Anguish deeper than the deepest pit ravished me. Consumed me. Betrayal had carved a cavernous hole in my heart that only the Lord could fill…if I would let Him.
Salty tears dripped into my mouth with each miserable cry. How could I go on? How could I possibly walk in the path the Lord has called me to – the one of helping Christian women struggling with their faith because life is so hard?
Ironic, isn’t it?
Deep inside me, the Lord whispered, Healing comes in the giving.
“What? I have nothing left to give, Lord. I am depleted, struggling to survive.”
Again He spoke, Healing comes in the giving.
His tender words swirled through my mind as I watched the soapy water empty from the tub. I carried them with me in thought as I dressed, grabbed my coffee, and curled up in my rocking chair.
You’re not going to believe what happened next!
I opened the pages of my devotional, Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman and (are you ready for this?) today’s devotional began with Psalm 138:8, “The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me.” I just about dropped the book.
It went on to say, “There is a divine mystery in suffering, one that has a strange and supernatural power and has never been completely understood by human reason. No one has ever developed a deep level of spirituality or holiness without experiencing a great deal of suffering … when the suffering has accomplished its blessed ministry … the pain of the crucifixion has begun to weave itself into a crown…It is in this experience of complete suffering that the Holy Spirit works many miraculous things deep within our soul. In this condition, our entire being lies perfectly still under the hand of God; every power and ability of the mind, will, and heart are at last submissive; a quietness of eternity settles into the entire soul…” (p. 344-345)
Isn’t that powerful?
Am I enjoying this season of suffering and turmoil? No. But is the Lord revealing Himself to me through it all? Is He reminding me of His eternal purposes? Yes! As much as I detest the evil that has invaded my home, I know in my knower that the Lord will take the pain and weave it into a miraculous crown for my good and for His glory.
Simply amazing.
I determined today that I will pursue the calling on my life. I will continue to give of myself to help others, and on the days that I desire to remain sobbing while in a fetal position on the floor, I will remember that healing comes in the giving.
Sweet friend, I want the same for you. If God is for us (and He is), then who can be against us? If God is with us (and He is) then we will never walk alone. You are loved by a magnificent God who shelters His child in the midst of the fiercest storms.
He wants to weave your pain into a glorious crown too. Will you offer your pain – your life – to Him?
Healing comes in the giving.
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A Tweetable to Encourage Others
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If you received Morning Glory via email, please visit the Morning Glory page, especially if this post resonated with you. I’m featuring Twila Paris singing “I Will Listen.” Oh. My. Goodness. I think Twila wrote this song for such a time as this in my life. Maybe yours too.
Tears flood my eyes with each time I read this. The first time I read it I was sitting in my seat at a table in my classroom this morning waiting for it to begin. But with each reading I am just humbled even more. Part of me just screams, "YES!!!!" and part of me lays quietly empty yet full of feeling your anguish, your pain, your betrayal, your redemption, resolution, and resurrection. This is so real. So raw. Personal. And yet you've laid yourself bare before us and I'm watching God just shatter the darkness and display His light from you in every single direction. Here we get to see that truly, Greater is He that is in You than he that is in the world. Thank you for this so personal testimony Nan. I love you so dearly.
Marcie, thank you for your powerful words. I felt so vulnerable sharing such raw emotion, but I felt impressed by the Lord that this was necessary to help others. Thank you for your encouragement. I love you too 🙂
My precious daughter, Nan, your words ring so very true.
God is made manifest in our suffering. After our family's loss of three precious children to the murderous hands of their father, people kept asking me "How do you do it?" and commenting "You're so strong." The answer, of course, is that I'm not strong. I simply know where to lean and that makes me look strong.
When one has come totally to the end of one's self, there is only God. Knowing God, not just knowing about him, but truly knowing him as the loving father who wants to hold you close is the secret to looking strong in adversity.
When the world is too much, we simply need to lean into him. He will cradle us in his everlasting arms.
Thank you for sharing your pain so that others might come to know him.
Judith, Your words of wisdom are such a blessing to me and to many others. Thank you for allowing the Lord to use your personal pain to help me find my way through my own. I'm so thankful the Lord crossed our paths.